Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Apparently Malachi Can't Swim....

Blaaaaaaaaahhhhh....  So my qualifications of "Mom of the Year" have again, dramatically declined.
   When one has multiple children, one must find a way to remember each child's individual skill set.  This is important, because a five year old is capable of doing more than a one year old.  Such as swimming.
    The munchkins and I went down to the "Salida beach" (its a 3 inch wide strip of sand that runs along the river for about a quarter mile-with huge rocks just waiting to be rested on) with some friends.  We had never done this before.  We didn't even know it was a thing.  Apparently it is.  People just swim or play in the river and don't get sucked in.
     Since I wasn't sure what to expect, I made sure that the kids were wearing clothes they could wade in/get wet.  Except Malachi-swim diapers did not make the trip (neither did towels. Or spare clothes. Or floaties).  I had all my bases covered-I kept Malachi's sandals on him so he wouldn't slip on the rocks.  Keeping my eyes on the kids, I let them wade in a little ways, and before they knew it, they were having fun!  Splashing, jumping, throwing sand-these were all acceptable on this little strip.
      All sense of worry dissipated in this relaxing atmosphere, and it was turning out to be a good afternoon.  I looked to my right and saw Malachi, floating in the water.  Oh, look at that!  Malachi can do a back float! I thought.  It wasn't until I heard Josiah's cheery voice says, "Mommy! Malachi doesn't know how to swim!" that I realized he was going under.  On his back.  I rushed to yank him out of the water, glad that someone was paying attention to his safety, instead of admiring skills that he did not possess.  I picked him up and held him as water streamed from his face.  He seemed as surprised by the incident as I was.  Shaking my head at myself, we sat down and watched the older ones continue to splash.
     Next time (as long as they don't post signs of my face with a huge red circle & slash mark) we shall bring floaties.  And swim diapers.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Mom Of The Year? Fail....

Mom of the Year, I am not.  Ever think something was not damaging to your children, only to find out later that you were wrong??  This was one of those moments....
   For the past couple of months, our one year old has been mouthing the pump on our hand lotion bottle.  Since he wasn't depressing the spout, it was perfectly safe.  Obviously, nothing would come out since the pump wasn't going down.
   The other night, a sleep-deprived mommy cocked her head sideways as Malachi gnawed on the lotion bottle.  Hmmmm.... I wonder if he really is sucking lotion out.  Nah, that's not possible....Oh, wait...it looks like he's enjoying it...and there's his "naughty grin"....  Concerned that lotion was actually being consumed, I snatched the bottle away from him.  The next step involved sanitizing the spout with a wipee.  After that, I put my mouth on the spout.  And sucked.  And tasted lotion...
    Grossed out by the facts that: 1. Malachi's really been eating lotion, 2. it tastes yucky, I used another wipee to wipe out my mouth.  That tasted yucky too! Apparently, it is possible to get lotion out of a pump bottle with out depressing the spout.  There's your Little Known Fact of the day.  Enjoy.
                               Malachi enjoying his "treat"....


                                        Me wiping the lotion off my tongue....

Friday, June 15, 2012

Steve....Part III

  The saga of Steve continues!!!  About a week ago, I was able to transplant Steve to his new home in the Poncha Springs Community Garden.  We also added some seeds for other vegetables...However, I cannot remember all of them.  I had this granduer image of making little signs for his friends, but I'm not sure what happened to the seed packets.
   When I arrived at the garden last week with my mission in mind (and several kids in tow), I discovered that the boards that needed to be removed from the plot were long and heavy.  And huge black beetle looking things scurried towards us every time I touched one.  I needed gloves.
    I repeated this process the next day with gloves on. And gloves for the kids.  Well, the boards were heavier than I had anticipated (the prior day I used my foot to shove the boards off), and the black things kept coming, as if I was disturbing their home.  This was my garden plot, not theirs.  (Later I discovered that these were actually crickets...Black crickets....not as creepy as beetles...)  I unloaded the rest of the boards, being careful when I lifted because there was a black spider with a huge shine abdomen and the last thing I needed was for one of us to get bit.
     I dug three holes down each row and put a bunch of seeds into each one.  I covered them up, watered them, then I met my neighbor later that night and we planted more stuff.  And I discovered that our plot was bigger than I had originally thought.  So we planted more stuff.  And now, we're starting to see tiny green leaves popping up.  Steve looks kind of sad, but at least he's still alive!!! We shall see what happens!!!

                                                          Community Garden

                                                               Our Plot

                                                        Steve! He's in a "cage"

                                                          a plant....

                                                                   stuff growing!

                                                              more stuff growing....

                                              the ridiculously huge boards I had to move....

                                                  another pic of the boards.....

      See the line in the middle? I thought we only had half, but the line is for stability, not division....

Hill Climb 2012

   June 14, 2012.  The day I almost died.  See this "hill"?? Well, every year during FIBArk, there is a race to see who can get top, tag the doorframe of the white house and run back down.  The starting/finishing line is about a quarter to half a mile from the base of the mountain.
      Those "ants"?? Yeah, they're people.  Well, I have been wanting to try this for the past two years, but wasn't able to due to pregnancy & not running and all.  For the past year I have been training (not hard core, but enough) for this run, and last night was my chance to prove myself.  After a brief contest on facebook, I showed up as "BlondieChell".

      When the announcer dude said, "Go!" we took off.  I passed the people in front of me and started running harder.  Faster.  Look at me! I'm running! I'm passing people! I thought. I felt like I was flying through the air.  The crowds on either side of F Street were cheering us on, making us believe we were unstoppable.  After leaping over the railroad tracks, I reached the base of the mountain.
      I can do this! I thought.  I started to follow the half-naked guy, because I remember that a tall half-naked man won last year.  Surely he knows a good path.  As I started to climb, I realized there was no "real path" and the "paths" people were taking consisted of slippery dirt and loose rocks.  After about two minutes, I was winded.  Climbing up rocks is way harder than it looks.  I climb a few more feet upwards and started to panic-I couldn't see anyone else around me!  I must be the last one!  Oh, no!!!  I moved sideways a few feet and saw a line of people slowly following a path upwards.  "Yes!" I shouted, "I'm not last!"  Which, I was technically last, but at least I wasn't that far behind.
     I ended up keeping pace with a couple that hadn't done the Hill Climb before, either.  I dry heaved a few times.  My sports-induced asthma (also called EIB) kicked in and I was struggling to breathe.  I did come to a point where I thought I might die.... But I was determined.  Each time I stopped to grab a few deep breaths, I wondered what the spectators thought about the stalled cape on the hill.
     About halfway up, the trail that spirals up the mountain (aka Spiral Drive) intersected our path.  I took it.  Sure, it was longer mileage-wise, but I could run easier than I could climb (although by this point, I could barely run.  It was more like an awkward slow jog.), so I ran.  I made it to the top, hauled myself up the stairs to the house, tagged the door frame, posed for some pics, and went back down...the stairs...then I grabbed a cup of water from the table and half slid, half climbed back down.  Since the dirt was fine like silt, I decided to just go with it and slide as i I was on a snowboard. or skis.  But I've never skied, and sharp poles aren't my thing.  when I was two thirds down, I stopped to grab a breath of air.  My leg started to shake.  This was not good.  I didn't have my phone and my cries for help would probably go unheard.  So I pressed on.  I knew that if I stopped again, I would probably pass out.
     I jumped back over the railroad tracks, careful to make sure that I didn't get my tired feet caught.  My family was waiting by the fence at the bottom of the hill, and I waved and ran past them to the finish line.  The crowd was still there, waiting for the last few to make it down.  Their enthusiasm spurred me on for another block.  People called out my name.  I have no idea who they were since my only focus was the finish line.  I feared I would pass out if I took my gaze off my goal.  I did, however, notice one of my friends, because I was looking for her.  She told me she'd come watch and she did.  I high-five her mid-stride and complimented her clothes.  Yes, BlondieChell does it all.
      I made high-fived a bunch of kids and finished the last block.  Crossing the finish line, I reached out to grab a blue ribbon from one of the girls waiting there.  I missed.  I stopped briefly so the woman chasing me with scissors could cut my timing chip off.  Then one of the girls handed me the blue participator's ribbon I had missed.  I went and sat on the curb, unable to move, barely able to breathe.  I tried coughing, because I felt as if I had swallowed some dirt.  I sat there.  And sat there.  Finally hubby and the kids found me, and I had him pound on my back to help break up the phlegm and what I perceived to be dust particles.  My voice seemed to have disappeared.  (It may have been due to me vigorously screaming "Woohoo!" every time I slid on the dirt down the mountain.)  He handed me my water bottle and after a few minutes, we made our way back to the van.  Before we reached it, we ran into some friends and hung out with them for a while.  By the time we were ready to leave, it was pitch dark.  I was still wearing my cape because I was too wore out to take it off.
         Driving home, hubby had the driver's side window down because he doesn't believe in using the air conditioner.  However, we live in Colorado, the land of ten thousand bugs.  Thwack!  An insect had flown into the van, and bounced off my shoulder, then ricocheted into the black hole between my seat and the center console.  When I drew hubby's attention to this, he laughed, because he heard it come in, but didn't realize it hit me.  He turned the interior light on (I don't know why.  Bugs are best left alone) and pulled the van over to the side of the road.  Next thing I know, he opened my door and was yelling at me to "get out".  When he had turned the light on, I thought I had seen something yellow on the shoulder of my cape, but I thought it was dead.  Apparently not.  As he was urging me to "GET OUT", I was frantically trying to unpin my cape.  I got one side off (not the side the bug was on), and started to work on the other.  It was stuck.  Hubby yelled at me to unbuckle myself and I replied, "I can't!  I'm stuck!"
        "You have to unhook your seat belt and get out!" he said.
        "Meeeeeeh!" I replied.
        I reached under my cape and unhooked my seat belt.  I'm pretty sure he half yanked me out of the van as I was still trying to unhook the other side of the cape.
        "Run!" he shouted.  I ran.  "Stop running!" he yelled.  Okay.  I had only ran a few feet.  He rushed over, and apparently the insect was still a threat, because he was still panicked.  He to help me unhook it.  I'm not sure why the safety pin wasn't cooperating, but it wasn't.  So, he yanked the fabric off my shoulder, tearing a small hole in my shirt.
        I spun around.  He spun around.  Then, he started to violently shake the cape.  It finally flew off.....Then a vehicle pulled up behind us-it was our friends!  You know, the ones we end up having crazy "adventures" with...like delivering babies.....  They happened to be driving by and saw the spectacle...and decided to see what was going on... ;)
     BlondieChell....Aren't you glad you know me??
     *My time was 41minutes and 2seconds....a bit slow considering the winners did it in less than 15, and my goal was 20, but I did it... to check my time for youself, here's the link: http://www.hallucinationsports.com/event/show/27794170#/results:&AthleteSearch=christiansen

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

It's Your Turn

     So topping "Smack Me Now"(here) seemed like a tough chore, but then Amber went and opened her mouth...
     If you have been following me for any amount of time, you are probably aware of the hit my daughter has put out for me.  Well, I'm pretty sure she has a hit out on me, because she seems to have given up trying to shoot me herself, but her feelings towards me at home seem to remain the same.
   I really have no idea why she started this personal vendetta (click here and here), but I'm sure that she aims to finish it.  I bring this up to discuss the fact that her death wishes seem to only be in my favor....until last night...
    Last night I overheard Amber telling some neighbor children that she does not even play with that she was going to kill them.  Then she told them how.  The conversation went something like this:
  Amber, "I'm going to kill you"
  Josiah, "Yeah"
  Amber, "And I'm going to shoot you and take you to the jail"
  Josiah said something in agreement (I'm not sure he had any idea what was going on- Amber was being mean, and this time it wasn't directed towards him, so of course he went along with it".
  Amber, "And when you be dead, I'm going to poke you in the eye" (Yes, I'm pretty sure I heard this.  If not, it sounds good anyway)
   Then she proceeded to call them names....like "Butt-munch"....
  I'm not sure what transpired next, but I know I didn't hear any verbal transaction on the neighbor kid's end.  In fact, they just stood where they were and stared.  In fear? Maybe.  In confusion? More than likely.
   What sparred this interaction?  I have no idea.  As far as I know, the poor kids were minding their own business when Amber walked into view.  It all went downhill from there.  But hey, if someone does end up dead, feel free to contact the police with this information.