Monday, May 27, 2013

Potty Training....It's Not For Everyone....

          If you've ever had a child (or cared for one) you've noticed the difference between the diapering stage and the toilet-using stage. This gap does not happen by chance. It takes time, determination, will power and the ability to stay sane when you're scrubbing poo out the carpet and the textured wood doors.
         Potty training is not for the weak. It's not for the whiny. It's only for those strong enough to handle what toilet training dishes out. I've dug so much poo out of carpets and underwear, that I could build my own mud hut. (You're welcome for that imagery.)
         Cleaning someone else's human waste off the floor is not just a job for those in the hospital and elderly care professions. It's also for the Professional Potty Trainers.
         These elite folk trade in their sanity for the sake of human development. They give up luxuries like complete showers for disgusting things like cleaning poo off the carpet, tiny human and clothes. Wiping up pee becomes second nature. Knowing the location of the closest disinfectant at all times is a finely honed skill. Paper towels and wipes are stashed in their pockets. Waste removal bags are shoved up their sleeves and Febreeze hangs on a chain around their necks. Chasing a half-naked toddler and deftly tackling them is an innate ability.
         Part ninja, part machine, these heroes ensure the futures of children everywhere. PPT's are fueled by coffee, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, loads of sugary carbs and the occasional Monster. Sleep is at an all-time low as PPT's awake early to rush toddlers to the toilet and in the middle of the night to change wet sheets. Scrubbing poo out of the carpet is a daily ritual.
         A glamorous job? No. Necessary? Well....only if you wish to stop changing your child's diapers.
The reward for PPT's is huge- no more diaper changes for the rest of that child's life and satisfaction knowing that you won't be ushering them down their wedding aisle in a diaper. The recognition? Non-existent. (How many times has your adult child thanked you for potty-training them?? See?? It's all taken for granted).
        Before you decide if the role of a PPT is right for you, glance at the photo below. This is typical after-nap clean up for PPT's.

            Completely unglamourous, right?? Go. Thank your PPT. (And then ask them if they'd like the honor of training your child!)


  1. My guy's beginning to show interest in potty use...I'm not sure I'm ready for this clean up challenge! AAaak!

    1. Just invest in tons of carpet cleaner (we prefer the Wal*Mart brand over Resolve) & Paper towels....and caffeine....and Prozac....