Monday, February 17, 2014

How I (Almost) Didn't Get My New Job

       This. This is how Michelle gets all excited and sounds like a complete moron on the phone to potential employers. What follows is my best recollection of a recent conversation with the HR department on the local military base (I had applied for & was interviewed for a position at a child care center there):

Phone rings. I was sooooooooo excited about answering that my cheek accidentally put the person on hold. So then, there was nothing. NOTHING.
Finally, I figured out my mistake and took the poor fellow of hold.
HR: Hello. May I please speak to Michelle?
Me: This is her.
HR: Hi, Michelle. I'm calling to see if you would like to accept the position for the (something something, something) position at the {Facility name here} Child Development Center? (For some reason, they have to offer you the position, instead of telling you that "You have the job!")
Me: Yes! Yes, I would!!!
HR: Okay. That pays $$. Am I to understand you don't have base access?
Me: Yes. I cannot get on base.
HR: Okay. Can you give me your driver's licence number?
Me: Sure! Let me get that for ya. Okay, it's {insert random numbers & letters here}.
HR: And what is your social security number?
Me: (brain starts to function) It's {starts reciting numbers}......Wait. How do I know that I'm actually talking to someone in the military? How do I know this is real??
HR: Um...I'm {some average name} in the HR department on {insert base name}.
Me: K. Just want to make sure. Okay, it's {finishes spouting off numbers}
HR: Okay, thanks. And what's a good email for you?
Me: (I start spelling. Then I realized how "not professional" my email sounds....ooops)

And despite my reaction to the poor HR guy on the phone (they gotta understand that the whole military thing is new to me, okay?? I used to think you could only work on a base if you are military....and sometimes I believe the whole "conspiracy/illuminati" stuff...and of course, it would be ME that someone would call and pretend to be from the government and ask me for my private info, I went through the rest of the hiring process and have been working at the CDC for a few months (Okay, so scratch that. They actually transferred me from the CDC I started with, but I'm happy, the bosses are happy and...we try to keep the kiddos happy).

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