Friday, February 3, 2012

...It Never Ends....

   As a Mom, I imagine that most parents have experienced the "diaper-comes-off-during-nap-time-after-a-big-poop-and-poop-ends-up-all-over-the-room" situations.  Amber & Josiah have each done this once during their diaper days & I was the lucky cleaner-upper.  Amber's scenario panicked me because I couldn't find the big lump off poo.  All I had was a poop-stained diaper and a baby with the yuck all over her hands and face.  I was missing the big chunk.  Panicked, I placed her in the bathtub (waterless) and ransacked her room for the clump.  after coming to the conclusion that she had digested it, I proceeded to scrub the residue out of the carpet while thinking about who I should call.  911? Poison Control?? My mom??? Do I give her the Heimlich?? 
   Undecided, I went to change the poo-stained crib bedding.   As I lifted the mattress, I found it! One nice, big, solid clump caught between the mattress and the frame.  I heaved a huge sigh of relief and continued my mission.  Next? Scrubbing down the bacteria-infested child.  I'm not sure why children tend to be fascinated with their bodily refuse, but they're not too appreciative when you're washing it off.....Now comes the wait for Malachi's "diaper-off" experience.
   So, even though Amber & Josiah are fully toilet-trained, we're still being exposed to their apparent fascination with bodily functions.  Just the other day when I was grabbing something from Josiah's closet, I had a Nebuchadnezzar moment.  I saw writing on the wall.  Horrified, I yelled for JR to come & do a "sniff-test".  My worst nightmare had come true.  It was poo.  One of my fantastic children had drawn poo-scented hieroglyphics on the wall.  (Surely they must've known that it wouldn't have lasted through the ages....they should've used permanent marker....or paint....)
    Well, the culprit was easy to identify since his latest bad habit consisted of him sticking his hands down the back of his pants to touch his rectal cavity.....When you become a parent, no one ever tells you all the horror stories that you will encounter in the coming years.  You think that once you're done changing diapers, the gross part is over.  Apparently, it's not.

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