Thursday, April 26, 2012

Oops...

    It's been a week....the pain is starting to fade, so, I might as well tell you.... 
     So, it's no secret... I tend to panic....well, not really panic, so much as totally freak out.  Yes, I freak out....and few can stop it....  Like the other day...
    I was driving down the highway, and I was late.  I had to take kids to school and therapy and we were late.  I wasn't speeding, but I wasn't going slow either.  I was determined.  We weren't going to be as late as we could be.  We were just going to be "a little" late......  Then, I saw it....
    Out of what seemed like nowhere (because, obviously, it came from somewhere. I didn't see a black hole or inter-galactical parallel dimension open up) a dark grey (almost black) feline darted across the highway.  Darted.  Like she was on a mission.  I think that mission included me.
     Seeing that she wasn't going to stop, I tried screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!!!!! at the top of my lungs.  This did not deter her.  She continued to run.  For some reason, it did not deter me either.  I maintain my speed (neither increasing or decreasing) and her mission was successful.  Apparently this cat had a suicide wish.....which I accidentally fulfilled.
      Thump.  Thump.  Panicked (more like really freaked out), I called the bff.  "You have to call the sheriff's office,"  I explained.  "I just had my first hit and run, but I couldn't stop because we're late."  The moment I uttered this phrase, I knew it sounded confusing.  So, I attempted to explain (in my best panicky voice, of course) what happened.  How could I ever face my kids again? I just assisted a feline suicide.....with them in the vehicle....
     My friend pointed out that if I hadn't've been panicking on the  phone, the kids would never have known what the thumps were.  Also, apparently running over a cat is not illegal and didn't warrant a call to the sheriff's office....
     Out of sheer guilt (hello, cat murderer anyone??), I told the kids that this was a secret, and to not tell anyone.  However, my speech-delayed five-year-old does not understand this concept.  Hey, he can talk now, so words are his friends.  And he uses them.  Needless to say, just about everyone we saw that morning heard, "We hit a cat!"  So much for anonymity.....

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

If You Get Scared Half-to-Death Twice, Are You Dead?

    Three heart attacks in one day?? Is that even possible??? Apparently so....
     The first one happened while I was vacuuming upstairs.  Malachi (who is pretty proficient at crawling forwards and backwards) came up the stairs.  After deciding that he no longer wanted to be around the machine-that-eats-all-in-it's-path, he crawled back downstairs. Then I heard a whump-whump-whump-whump and I rushed to the bottom before he started crying.
     Next, we were in the office of a nutritionist when he decided that standing on the large black chair wasn't enough.  (Keep in mind this kid is not yet 1.)  He reached down, grabbed the edge of her desk and swung (yes, swung) himself down to the floor, ala George of the Jungle.  When he landed on his bottom, he was neither fazed nor upset. This leads me to believe he achieved his desired result.
    Later, I had the audacity to take the kids to a park in town.  We've been to this park many times since it's near Josiah's school.  Out of what seemed like nowhere, little man decided to be brave and climbed up the big-kid's play structure.  I was the "smart mom" and stayed down below where I'd have a better chance of catching him when (yes, when....not "if"...when...) he fell off.  Well, Malachi, always aiming to amaze, didn't fall.  He crawled all up and down the play structure....until he grew bold enough to to attempt the slide.  Not the smaller slides, the larger ones....the ones that Amber didn't even attempt until this spring.  That being said, remember that this child is not yet 1.  He has not mastered the proper sitting technique.  In fact, he has no technique at all.  He usually slides down head-first or backwards on the baby slide.  Backwards was not his first choice today.  He proceeded to head down the slide face-first.  Then he realized his mistake.  By this time, he was stuck, because he had leaned too far forward to climb back up and his altitude was higher than I could reach.  I had a split second to make my decision: I could race around the structure and climb up to snatch him (but, by the time I got there he could have already slid down) or, I could stand there helplessly until his grasp gave way and he slid forward to where I could reach him.  Obviously, I chose the latter.  Two seconds later, he slid forward.  If I had let him continue his descent face-first, he would have been greeted by a mouthful of mulch (this would have been after a penguin-ish belly glide off the bottom of the slide)......all of this has made me realize why God made my hair blonde....so that when it turns white early on, people won't notice.....
            
                                                This is where he got stuck...yes, the set of slides on the right...


                                        This is Malachi sliding backwards down the baby slide...

Monday, April 16, 2012

UBP '12

::ear piercing shriek:: It's time for the Ultimate Blog Party 2012!!!
   What's not to love about finding new blogs and new followers?? Plus, the many prizes http://www.5minutesformom.com/ is giving away....
     For those of you who have just discovered my page, Hi.  My name's Michelle (usually I answer to "Hey", but I am soon putting a stop to that...) and I tend to blog about the "LOL" moments in my life.  I have a husband and three kids- my three-year-old daughter is often the spotlight of my posts (I'm not sure if its because she's so much like me, or because she has it in for me). I also have a five-year old son who is learning to cope with SPD and an almost one year old boy who was accidentally born on my friend's toilet.
  Things just happen to us and I enjoy sharing it with you! I also love to run and sometimes add a story or two about that. Thanks for joining me!!!

Bad Mom? Or Not??

   The other day I inadvertently nominated myself again for the "Bad Mom" award....
   I had hauled all three kids to one of their friend's birthday parties.  I thought it was a nice party, but Amber was nap-deprived and must have forgotten her "nice-to-mommy" pills at home. 
   After we had been at the party for about an hour, I did a kid-check.... "Malachi licking the carpet? Check.  Josiah at the race car arcade game? Check.  Amber....?  Hmmmm....Where is Amber.... Oh, no! someone must've taken her!" I panicked.  Then a switch flipped.  "Oh, no....maybe that's a good thing" I thought, relaxing just a bit.  Then I spotted her (while I mentally chided myself for thinking such awful thoughts about my little girl)-she was sitting behind Josiah on the arcade game.....good one, Amber....good one...
   

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

DAS 2012

   A few weeks ago, our family went to Denver to visit the annual Auto Show.  My first year, I was a naive woman who anticipated random, beautiful cars on display.  I also naively anticipated hubby giving us a walking tour of the different vehicles.  The reality?  It's a new car dealership.
   Just about every single company that makes a car is allotted their own carpeted space in the Denver Convention Center and just about every single model of motorized vehicle that the company makes is there.  On the carpet.  Just like at a dealership.  Only these are all indoors and you don't have to worry about a sales associate approaching you if you touch one.
    New car smell? I can appreciate that.  Do I want to smell that all day? No.  Do I want to stick my head inside different cars all day just to smell that fragrance? No.  Last year I was super-duper preggers with our latest child and so hubby took Josiah.  This time, I had no excuses.  So, I went.
    Camera in hand, I kept myself occupied with taking pictures of the kids inside the trunks of the vehicles.  My theory is that you should always make sure you have enough trunk space for a dead body.  You just never know when one will show up.  Or two.  So, here are some shots:


Thursday, April 5, 2012

Baby Bombing

   I haven't posted in a while because apparently I've been working on the latest shopping trend.  Yes, I, BlondieChell am a trendsetter.
    I have a few friends who participate in the activity of "yarn bombing" (basically they crochet/knit something and then place it on a public fixture).  While this seems like a wonderfully fulfilling activity, my crochet skills are not advanced enough for me to attempt this.
    So, I created an alternative- Baby Bombing.  This is not as deadly or dangerous as it sounds.  I tried it out today-we were shopping and ran across a friend....long story short, I took our baby and placed him in our friend's cart, then left......and hid......and hid.....he eventually gave up and gave the baby back to hubby.
    And so created the latest shopping trend: Baby Bombing.  Just plop your baby in someone else's cart and take off.  If you don't have a baby, use a child withing arm's length.  Child Bombing.  Its just that simple....
   You are welcome.
                                   *Disclaimer: Serious mental issues may develop in participating children and unsuspecting adults.  Do not attempt with children you do not own, or adults you do not know.  Significant therapy costs may accrue.